Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Sheleata Kanatuna Diagnosed with Potential Cancer

Sheleata Kanatuna, tiger prince of Morgan Terrace, has been diagnosed with oral spindle cell sarcoma. Dr. Scott called this evening to follow-up on tests run following last week's removal of a growth in Sheleata's mouth. The growth was discovered by Director of Ambiance and Entertainment Timothy State when he found the cat sitting in the bathroom sink.

"He appeared to be panting," said State, who noticed a pink tongue-like appendage sticking out of his mouth a week ago last Saturday. "I yelled to Tony to turn on the air conditioning. I figured the cat was practically passed out, panting in the porcelain sink. But then I noticed it was his upper lip that was pink."

Sunday, the pink appendage, Demarris, was large enough to name, and when the the vet examined Sheleata on Monday morning, its grotesque proportions caused the vet to cringe and dry heave. "I've never seen anything like this," she said as she whisked Sheleata away for a second opinion. Within the hour, Sheleata was under the knife. Director of Catering and Guest Relations Tony Dornacher sat in the waiting room as the exorcism was performed. Extracting Demarris from his soul, the growth and a bad tooth completely removed.

When State returned home from the office, Sheleata was stumbling around the house like a drunk frat boy. He sat on the counter, admiring the kitchen knives before making love to them by rubbing against them repeatedly. He's recovered comfortably this week, and all was well until tonight, when the phone rang -- bad news always comes when the family has just sat down to dinner.

More tests need to be run. It might be cancerous, it might not be. We just don't know. There's a machine at Perdu University we could hook the cat up to and it would do something, but the machine is not working right now. If it is cancer, we can sit down with a cat oncologist and discuss treatment options. The cat jumped up on the dinner table and lounged like Elizabeth Taylor in a Turner Classic Movie, Demarris just a distant memory. Tony hung up the phone. Sheleata's tail fanned the table.

"Depending on cost..." Dornacher's voice trailed off as he ate some applesauce.

"I say we put Buster down," said State, cutting a pork chop. "Let's let the cat live his final days in peace."

There are many unanswered questions. But truth lives no farther than the internet, particularly once one figures out how to spell. Spindle cell sarcoma is a type of connective tissue cancer where the cells take on a spindle shape. "Oral" is attached to indicate it's found in the mouth, or oral region. Google knows all.

Labels: Animals, news

# posted by Timmy : 8:10 PM

Comments:

Betsey and Ross are horrified to think about what Sheleata must have gone through the last few days. They asked me to send their feline brother (only in the sense that they're all 3 cats, not that they're really related) their love and support. We all hope Sheleata is cancer-free and healthy soon.

# posted by  Jessica, Betsey & Ross : 9:54 PM

Post a Comment

<< Home